My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
