I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
