I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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