Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
