The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
