I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
