I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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