Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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