a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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