is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
