yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
