THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
