Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
