Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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