why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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