I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
