I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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