I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
