Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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