I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
