She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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