I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
