You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
