chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
