i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
