my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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