you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
