It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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