i'm signing you up for texting rehab
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
