I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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