Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
