so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
