i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
