I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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