I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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