You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
