Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
