Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
