My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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