it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
false alarm. still invincible.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
