He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just gift wrapped bread.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize