There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
