update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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