He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
