There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
