My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she smelled like a LAN party
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
