dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
