Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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