My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
