I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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