Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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