Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
