i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
