Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
