you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
