Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
