my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
