dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
