Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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