Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
