Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
