My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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