Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
