Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Holy sore nipples Batman
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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