she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
