I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
