Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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