May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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