haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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