why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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