I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
