but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just found puke in my bra..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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