I should be sponsored by Trojan
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
