just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
