You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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