I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
