walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
