We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
