she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
