I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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