You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
